


One Tiny Little Problem

by Phlinting



Series: Soul Words Suck! [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 11:51:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7617022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phlinting/pseuds/Phlinting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because...he's Ant-man.</p><p>Scott might just prove once and for all that soul words really do suck...</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Tiny Little Problem

"Nope, sorry Clint, but soul words suck," Sam said, joining the debate Clint and Tony had been having in the kitchen while Bruce did the actual cooking and tried to ignore them.

Tony gave Sam a grossly exaggerated version of being startled. "Did you just agree with me?" He turned his gaze from one person to the other as if he was completely stunned. "I'm shocked. Aren't you, like, a counselor or something? One of those people who's supposed to say the world is wonderful and every dog has its day, and then sit around singing inspirational camping songs or something?"

"I suspect you're thinking of a scout leader, Tony."

"Possibly," he said, pretending to give the matter some thought, "but that still doesn't answer the question."

Sam rewound the conversation in his mind. "Ah...yes, I am a counselor and yes, on this one issue"—he had to qualify that or it would come back to bite him later—"I sort of agree with you."

Tony gave him a smart-ass grin and rocked back on heels as if he'd somehow won something. He pointed a finger at Clint. "And see here I thought you two birdbrains would agree on everything."

Clint laughed and shook his head. "I'm not saying they don't suck, just that eventually they do work out. Sam at least knows his soulmate's first name."

"A last name would have been handy," Sam lamented. He gazed at the scribbled words on his wrist. "It's like it's just there to tease me."

"Exactly," Tony said, glancing at the soul words he'd never bothered to hide, "because nobody is ever going to have a conversation with me that starts with 'Mr. Stark!'" Sam saw a flicker of some emotion pass over Tony's face before he hid it behind his usual sarcasm. "It's only like one in three. And I've only met...I don't know... FRIDAY, how many new people would you say I speak to each week?"

"That's a difficult calculation, boss. Since becoming Iron Man you speak to more and more new people each week. Your fans are always very eager to say hello."

Tony raised an eyebrow at Clint. "Let's round it off at thousands then, shall we?"

"I believe that would be a reasonable lifelong estimate," FRIDAY said in an agreeable tone.

"See?" Tony asked, rolling his eyes as if it really didn't affect him as much as Sam suspected it did. "Soul words suck!"

Clint laughed when Pietro was suddenly in his arms, apparently quite used to his super-speedy soulmate's pranks. "Whatever," he said, winking at Tony. "I'm not complaining."

"You wouldn't," Tony said, rolling his eyes dramatically. They all knew the story of how Clint and Pietro met and pretty much ignored or missed the exchange of their soul words, but it was obvious that they were very happy together now. Nobody had been surprised to realize that Clint's other soulmate, Phil Coulson, was also involved with both of them as well.

"Sorry, Hawkeye," Ant-man said, suddenly appearing in front of Tony, "but you're wrong, so damn wrong. Soul words suck, they seriously suck."

"How did you get in my building?" Tony asked, his gaze bouncing between Sam and Clint and Pietro when none of them seemed inclined toward surprise. "FRIDAY? How did this man get into my tower without me knowing?"

"Sorry, boss," FRIDAY said. "I detected an ant problem earlier today and booked an exterminator for tomorrow. I did not realize that one of them was the superhero"—she used the word as if she doubted Ant-man quite fit the description—"known as Ant-man was among them."

"You bought insects into my nice clean tower?"

"Ah," Ant-man said, glancing around the room as if seeking an ally. "I'll go...ah...move the colony. No need for an exterminator. I'll be right back."

He disappeared almost instantly, but since Sam now knew the guy was there this time he was able to track Ant-man's movement across the floor. It was kind of sad how something as incredible as a guy who could shrink down to the size of an ant was considered rather ordinary, but that was life in Avengers Tower.

Sam laughed when he followed Ant-man to the shoelace on Tony's shoe and watched while the guy tied the laces from both shoes together. As funny as it probably seemed, outside the suit, Iron Man was as breakable as the rest of the humans on the team. "I can see you," Sam said to Ant-man, laughing harder when Tony finally realized what was happening.

Unexpectedly Ant-man reappeared full size. "See? This is what I mean," he said, sounding a little bit pissed off. "Those are my soul words." He pointed at Sam. "Do you have any idea how many times I've heard them?"

"Probably as many times as I've heard 'Hi, I'm Scott.'" Sam said.

Ant-man froze, staring at Sam for a few heartbeats before narrowing his eyes. "My name is Scott."

Sam frowned. "The first time we met—" He glanced up in time to see Cap, Bucky, Darcy, Natasha, and several other people enter the room. Great, just fucking great. The entire fucking team was there now to witness what could be the second most embarrassing thing to happen to him since becoming the Falcon. "—I said "I can see you.'"

Scott took a step closer. "And I returned to normal size, gave you a friendly wave, and said, 'Hi, I'm Scott."

The entire room was silent, every one in the vicinity watching and waiting to see how this played out. Sam bit his lip as he gazed at the guy in a ridiculous suit standing in front of him. Could it be true? Did they really exchange soul words at the beginning of a confrontation that turned into Sam's most embarrassing loss? Hell, until now he'd managed to hide the details of that fight from almost every one, including Captain America. But there was no pretending it didn't happen now.

"They're common enough phrases," Scott said, shrugging and avoiding eye contact as if he expected Sam to reject him. "It doesn't actually mean we're soulmates."

"Doesn't mean we're not," Sam said, moving closer, intending to wrap his arms around the man in a warm hug. The Ant-man suit made it kind of awkward, so instead he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Scott's lips and reached for his gloved hand.

"Thank you," Tony Stark said, bowing as if he was on a stage. He threw his arm out to the side as if introducing Sam and Scott to the crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the perfect example of why soul words suck!"

Sam didn't really give a damn if he won the argument now or not. He was more interested in getting to know the man who could very possibly be his soulmate. Perhaps if he and Scott slowly moved toward the exit no one would notice them leave.

"Tony," Bruce said tiredly, "enough already. Let's just get dinner done."

"Mr, Stark!" a red-and-black-costumed guy called as he stepped into the room.

"How the fuck did you get into my building?" Tony asked as every hero in the room readied for a fight.

The guy tilted his head to the side, clearly unconcerned to have found himself in the middle of the Avengers "You'd be surprised how many times I hear those words," he said, pulling back the material covering his gloved hand to show his soul words to anyone who wanted to look, "but alas I have yet to find my one and only."

"Ah, Tony?" Steve asked. "Any idea who this guy is?"

"Sorry, should have introduced myself. That was rude. Really, I mean, just because I broke in to borrow"—yes, he used finger quotes and all—"a few things, isn't an excuse to be rude, but I heard you talking about soul words sucking and since I'm interested in anything that sucks, I couldn't quite resist joining the debate. I mean soul words really do suck. That's like—"

He suddenly cut off his words and moved toward Tony, but Cap, Bucky, and Thor stepped in between them before he could get close enough to do any damage.

"Hey, you said my soul words. Did I say yours? Did I?"

Tony, looking completely stunned, took a step back. The armor arrived a moment later, nearly knocking their uninvited guest over on its way past.

"Whoa, that is like..." The guy twisted to talk over his shoulder even though there was no one behind him. "Is the word I'm looking for 'impressive'? I don't know. It seems like an understatement. I mean the Iron Man armor just flew in the freaking door all by itself. That has to be more than impressive. Am I right? Huh? Am I right? Of course I'm right."

"Who's he talking to?" Scott asked, turning to Sam with a confused expression.

"Talking to the boxes," the guy said, answering Scott's question himself. "But that's not important right now. Right now I need to talk to a guy who might be my soulm—" He lifted his face up into the air and sniffed through the red mask. "What is that delicious smell?"

"Dinner," Cap answered, his arms crossed in his typical "Captain America expects a straight answer" pose. "What did you say your name was?"

"Did I say my name?" he asked over his shoulder again as if someone was there actually listening. Either the guy was crazy or his friend was invisible. Considering where they were, either was possible. "Are you sure? I thought I did. Okay. Okay. I believe you." He turned back to Cap. "Sorry, didn't mean to be rude. Name's Deadpool."

"Deadpool?" Tony asked in a weak voice. "Spiderman's friend?"

"You know Spidey? Hey, I guess that makes us besties too then, huh?"

"Um..." Tony said, apparently lost for words.

"Who's Spiderman?" Steve asked Tony, clearly unimpressed that he'd been keeping secrets from the other Avengers.

Bucky was scowling, Darcy was giggling silently and having trouble not laughing outright, Pietro was already laughing out loud, Clint was snorting into his hand, Natasha was on high alert apparently having decided that, Tony's soulmate or not, Deadpool was going to be a problem, and Bruce had turned off the oven and the burners and was hurriedly leaving the room.

"As funny as this is to watch," Sam whispered to the man beside him, "I think they've got this covered. Do you want to go someplace and talk?"

Scott looked as stunned as Tony did and Sam had to wonder about Scott's lack of self-esteem. "You actually think we might be soulmates?"

Sam squeezed Scott's hand through the thick glove. "Only one way to find out for sure," he said, not wanting to pressure the man but unwilling to ignore that they'd exchanged soul words without even realizing it the first time they met. "Spend some time with me."

"I'd like that," Scott said, his smile wide and full of fake bravado. Sam wasn't even sure how he knew that, but his assessment felt right. Perhaps it was simply Sam's eagerness to believe that they really were soulmates, but what Sam knew of Scott suggested he was a great guy.

Even the stuff he'd stolen from the Avenger's facility the day they'd met had been used to save the world. Doing something a little bit wrong for the greater good was something Sam and the other Avengers could honestly understand.

Scott may have won the brief fight that day, but Sam still wanted to take the guy on a date.

They were waiting for the elevator to arrive when Tony's hysterical laughter and too-fast talking filled the entire floor. "This can not be happening! Nope, not happening. FRIDAY, make a note. This is not happening."

"Noted, boss," FRIDAY said in what Sam had come to think of as her "worried" tone.

Sam leaned back to see into the room and was surprised to realize that Tony was fully encased within the Iron Man armor, but with the faceplate lifted up and a wry smile on his lips. His apparent soulmate was clinging to the armor like a limpet and far from the rejection Sam had been expecting to see, Tony had his mechanical arms wrapped affectionately around the guy.

"I told you soul words sucked," Deadpool said in a far less hysterical tone than Tony had been using. "How on Earth did I end up with a guy wearing a red and gold tin can and calling himself Iron Man?"

Sam laughed as the elevator doors finally opened and Scott pulled him inside.

~*~

Three months later...

"Need a lift home, sexy?"

Scott nodded, shrank down to ant-size, and leaped onto his soulmate's wings. He was never going to get tired of this. There was just something incredibly satisfying about saving the world and then going home with his soulmate to celebrate. Today's brawl had been sponsored by the infinitely irritating megalomaniac appropriately named Dr. Doom.

Of course the guy hadn't bothered to show up in person, but his doombots had managed to cause plenty of damage before the Avengers had been able to shut them all down.

And how much of a dick-with-a-god-complex did the guy have to be to make his robots in his own image? Despite how many super villains they'd fought in the past few months, Scott was finding it harder and harder to take them seriously.

Then again, the good guys weren't exactly known for their great name choices and fashion sense either. Scott had already begged Hank Pym to change his name—what sort of villain is scared of a guy named Ant-man?—but it wasn't the only one that needed fixing.

Iron Man didn't actually have any iron in his metal suit. Hawkeye couldn't fly like a hawk no matter how many times he jumped off buildings (and Scott had seen pictures of his costume from his circus days—pink and purple? WTF?) Black Widow had never been married (well not that she'd told them.) The Winter Soldier hated the cold. And Captain America protected people all over the world, not just in the US, and wore a skintight suit that didn't hide a damn thing and was probably illegal in many of those countries.

War Machine was a PR nightmare of a name. Wanda wasn't actually red or a witch. And while Thor might really be the guy from the Norse legends, he was neither a god nor had any fashion sense. Who the fuck wore a cape into battle anyway? That was just asking the bad guys to try and choke him with it. And don't even get him started on how dangerous it was to wear it anywhere near spinning turbines. Was Scott the only one who watched The Incredibles?

"Guys?" Tony said over the comms. "Did anyone see where Wade's body landed? I've got his head."

"That's true. He's got me," Deadpool chimed in, apparently having managed to keep his comm in his ear, despite having been decapitated again. "My soulmate saved me from a fate worse than death."

"Tony?" Steve asked, his voice conveying a little bit of "How is this my life?" in his tone.

"He landed near a sewer drain. Nearly rolled right on in."

"And let me tell you," Deadpool said, his humor not at all affected by the fact that he was currently just a head, "that is not something I want to do twice."

Several gagging noises sounded over the comms and Scott couldn't help but sympathize with his teammates. There was a fifty-fifty chance that Deadpool was joking, but it was one visual they all could have done without.

"I enjoy growing back body parts," Deadpool continued as if half his team wasn't currently trying not to throw up. "They're smooth and shiny and lots of fun to play with, but it's a whole lot faster if I can, you know, reattach to the old stuff."

"Ugh, found it," Black Widow said in a tone that was not nearly as deadpan as she usually managed. Being able to unsettle the legendary Black Widow was apparently one of Deadpool's super skills. "Tony, tell your soulmate to let go of my ankle before I do something that will ensure he has many, many more things to grow back."

"Honey," Tony said, "please stop molesting the lady that can and will castrate you."

"Eh, they grow back."

"They grow back too? Are you sure?" Tony asked, sounding fascinated.

"Yeah, I'm done with this conversation," Bucky said, his voice deep and scary. "Winter Soldier out."

"Same here," Clint said. "Hawkeye and Quicksilver have left the building."

The others were quick to follow their example, Falcon and Ant-man included. Natasha's final words were vicious-sounding Russian, suggesting that Deadpool had ignored Tony's warning. Only Cap stayed tuned in, undoubtedly coordinating the cleanup with the authorities and officially closing out the mission. He was responsible like that.

With their comms turned off Scott and Sam couldn't speak during the quick flight home, but they both had the same thing to say once they were inside their own rooms. "I need a shower."

Scott quickly stripped off the Ant-man suit, carefully arranged it inside the cleaning unit that Tony had specifically designed (mainly in an effort to piss Hank off, but who was Scott to complain?) and then followed his gorgeous and sexy lover into the bathroom.

Sam was already under the hot water, humming softly to himself.

Scott didn't hesitate to join him.

"Hey, sexy," Sam said, wrapping his arms around Scott's waist in a move that had become very familiar in the past few months. "Fancy meeting you here."

Scott laughed, because yes his soulmate was a goofball, but Scott wouldn't have it any other way. Sam was kind and decent, understanding, encouraging and forgiving. (Scott never claimed to be a saint, but he'd fucked up so many times because of his own insecurities, some days he wondered if his soulmate was one.) Sam was everything Scott could ever have wanted for a soulmate, including loving, affectionate and sexy as hell. Scott certainly had hit the jackpot when it came to soulmates. Even if their words had been vague and not at all reassuring.

"Do you still think soul words suck?" he asked, remembering the very first time they'd met and the moment months later when they finally realized what they'd said.

Sam laughed. "Absolutely they suck," he said. "if ours had been more specific, I would have been able to do this a long time ago."

Scott gasped happily as warm hands traveled down his torso and Sam moved to kneel in front of him. He was too busy remembering how to breathe to even consider disagreeing.

Yep, soul words sucked.

Sometimes in a good way. A really, really good way.

  


THE END


End file.
